So, you want to make the ideal HR department? There's a recipe for that. It's a little tricky and some of the ingredients have to be special ordered. But if you follow this recipe, you'll get the HR department of your dreams.
1 cup administrative skills
1/2 cup recruiters, firmly packed
1 tablespoon onboarding
3 HR trainers, chilled
Blend these first three ingredients until smooth. It could take a while, as the recruiters may not want to blend with the administrative skills, but it's necessary if you want candidates to have a smooth experience. The onboarding is only a small amount of time, but if you skip it, your HR department won't rise properly.
Carefully stir in three HR trainers. It's critical that you don't do this too quickly, or the flavor of the trainers will overwhelm the other flavors, making the department very unpalatable for employees. Remember, training can be an acquired taste for many employees, so go slowly and make sure the trainers you pick are fresh and healthy. Put any tired trainers into some ice water to chill before adding them to the mix.
Lightly grease and flour a pan and add the mixture. Don't forget to grease the pan or this part of the HR team could become stuck with the inability to leave and will become bitter and salty.
2 cups employee relations
1/4 cup compliance
1/4 cup payroll
3 well-experienced business partners
A pinch of HRIS
Combine these in a separate bowl. Don't beat these like you did the first half — just lightly blend. Employee relations and compliance need to be together, but be careful not to blend completely, or you'll miss out on the mouth-watering flavor of an organization in full compliance. When you're picking your business partners, look for ones that have been working for a while, but are still crisp and capable of holding their flavor. If you pick one that lacks experience, it will give a bad taste in the employees' mouths.
2 cups assorted benefits, well-blended
Spread the second mixture over the first part. Place in a trial by fire at 450 degrees Fahrenheit. It will make a hissing noise, but that's just the scream steam escaping. This is necessary to give it both the desired warmness and toughness needed to run an ideal HR operation. If you put it into a cold oven, it will become complacent and ineffective. After 20 minutes, reduce the temperature enough for the mixture to start to relax. Cook for an additional 20 minutes. Remove from oven.
When your HR department is cool, layer it with a well-blended, diverse mixture of benefits and serve. With all the right ingredients, mixed just right and bonded by the challenges faced in any HR department, you'll have the ideal HR department that any employee would love.
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